Thoughts...

So I know that I have been extremely crappy at keeping up with my blog. Cory is in school again and it makes him really busy and therefore, he hogs the computer a lot, ha ha. I need to try to do shorter blogs more often rather than longer blogs very rarely. And I need to get better about my pictures because I am kinda slacking. I do have some thoughts going on in my head and brace yourselves, its not all positive...

• Today is officially 1 month since the first of the year and although my goal of losing weight is on my mind every second of the day, it has not been as successful as I wanted it to be. I have lost 9 pounds total and its a struggle every day. I think that the moral of my story at this time is the the working out side has.to.happen. I have *in my opinion* done all that I can from simply eating right (based on what happened last year and the tough wall that I have hit this year just even starting losing weight. So I need to figure it out. No more excuses, just figure it out.
• Some people on my team at work are also losing weight and we are doing a team weight loss challenge. Winner gets free lunch *ironic* and I want to win. 1 pound lost in 2 weeks isn't going to get me there.
• Tomorrow is my late grandmother's birthday. She would be 70. I miss her like crazy every day. I really miss her now with Sydney growing so much every day. She was pretty dang awesome.
• Does anyone else ever feel like they are an outcast in their own family? I have really been feeling like this lately and it bugs me. Annoys me. Infuriates me even. Let's just say that it bothers me in all senses of the word. Initially when I thought about getting that off of my chest, I had a lot of other thoughts to piggy back on that, but right now I am just at a loss for words. It makes me so thankful that I do have my husband who understands me and gets me fully. So when I start to feel like this he is really great at making me brush it off. But it still is a super bummer.
• I wish I had a career that I felt like I was putting my heart and soul into.
• I also wish that my workplace was a more pleasant atmosphere. I don't want to speak too direct but when Cory and I met we worked in an industry where you always felt like you had to look over your shoulder. When I graduated and got my first job, I didn't think that I would be made to feel like that again. Guess I was wrong about that too.
• Sydney is amazing these days. Every week she is talking more than the previous week. Because of her steady and accelerating development, they have started to transition her into the 2 year old room at school (she doesn't turn 2 until June). I am a proud mama! I will always let my child move at her own pace and whatever pace that is I am fine with. But I am a loving and excited mama. And I am just going to end on this happy note :) Happy rest of the week!

Quick Update

So I am very much past due on a post but I don't have a lot of time so I am going to do a quick briefing and then get on with my Grey's watching...

- I gained 2 pounds during week 2, but I am adjusting and trying to get back on complete track

- I went to Vermont for the weekend of MLK for my besties Bridal shower and it was an AMAZING trip, including when it was literally -8 on Sunday morning when we woke up (-21 windchill)

- I am devastated that the Packers are out of the super bowl...I only got to wear my new jersey once this year!

- I did a great job getting up this morning to do my walking before work today. It worked out very well for the day.

- The week has gone by quickly and that is GREAT! ha ha

Talk to you all more later!

Here we go... Week 2

Week 2:

Starting Date: January 8, 2012

Starting Weight: 228 lbs.

Weight Loss Week 1: 10 POUNDS!!

So I am completely realistic about the first week weight loss. 10 pounds is a HUGE number but there are a lot of factors that go into it....I stopped drinking sodas completely and prior to this week I probably had at least 3 a day. That is a huge cut back in calories, sugars, etc. I was probably retaining water during my first weigh-in and first the first couple days of the week. I will just leave it at that. But I will give myself some credit where that is due as well. I feel like I did a great job of cutting back my calories and I didn't really feel deprived of anything. I was smarter about my eating and as a result, I have felt great all week. I also didn't work on the physical activity this week. That will start this week and I have the goal to start the walking this week and I am shooting for every night. I am confident in my abilities with this and I have the schedule in my mind and that will let me just stick to it. So more to come this week. I am jumping off here to go get some walking in now while Sydney is sleeping and it is gorgeous outside. 

Just some thoughts...

I have a lot of things on my mind that I think are worth sharing but I don't have any distinct thoughts put together to make some significant post so here are the bullet points of my mind...

• I have discovered that nonfat vanilla yogurt is not very yummy. My solution? 1 packet of splenda and a fruit chopped up. My fruit of choice at the moment is kiwi and this has made my afternoon sweets attack no problem to overcome. Yummo! 
• Sydney is going through such a stage of growth and development that it amazes me so much. She is singing her ABC's now (I think I mentioned it before but its just way exciting). It is getting more and more clear every day.
• Sydney is going to have such a love of sports that it makes me smile right now. Everytime football or hockey come on the TV she will say "fooball?" "hockey?" Since we have season tickets to the Admirals games, she also has now started to understand certain things that happen during the game or intermissions. Last night she cheered for a T-shirt with me...

• Sydney also is starting to remember more and more who people are which I am sure means that the part of her brain that controls long term memory is getting stronger and stronger. This showed itself last week when she remembered who Dennis was the moment we saw him at the hockey games. She is also quite the flirt so this happens more with the boys than it does the girls...

• Next week, I travel to Vermont for my besties bridal shower. Her wedding is coming up in April and I CAN'T believe that it is here already. I am crossing my fingers that the Boston area does not get any significant weather events before Saturday because I fly into Boston on Saturday morning and then drive to Montpelier. Then Sunday I make the same return trip back. I am so excited to meet all of Bridget's family and friends up there and it should be a great trip, even though its very short.
• I realized last night that next Saturday will be my first night away from Sydney .ever. and because of this, it will be my first night sleeping without a monitor in 18 MONTHS!!! whoa. Weird to the max.
• My Christmas present from my brother in law came in the mail yesterday and I am SO EXCITED to rock my Clay Matthews jersey next Sunday when they are playing either Atlanta or the Giants and I am driving/flying home from Vermont. It also has the Super Bowl patch on it from last season. Just.Saying.

18 Months already!?

This cannot be happening.... My little girl is 18 months old!

and she knows that she is cute... Lord help us now.

Watching hockey is *honestly* one of her favorite things and this picture is proof.

She is in the mimicking stage so she repeats everything, loves entertaining Mommy and Daddy, and loves loves loves her new playground which means we are spending a lot of time outside. (YAY--no sarcasm here!) She also loved to stand like us with her hands in her pockets.

She has lots of friends and she enjoys telling them what to do. "Go Cookie! Get Down!"

The doctor says she is doing very well. She weighs 26 lbs 12 oz and is 36 1/2 in tall. She is in the 75th percentile for both height and weight. She also didnt have to get a single shot (THANK YOU to the DR for planning this one out so well) and doesn't need another vaccination (other than a flu shot) until 4 years old!

I can't believe our next check up is at 2 years old!!! Yikes!

Day Three Check In

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!!

Today I found this website from an old Biggest Loser Alum. If you remember Shay, she did BL couples when they brought Danny back and he became her partner after not knowing each other for a single day. She was the biggest woman to compete at the time, I am not sure if that still holds but her story was amazingly powerful. Apparently, she slipped once she went home and she wrote about it HERE. I highly recommend you check it out. It is extremely inspiring to see someone who has slid and is working hard to get back to basics. Especially for someone who has begun this battle before. And I have been successful before too. I just slipped a little bit. And now here I am at this amazing beginning again.

As you might be able to tell, I am feeling great today. Which is actually quite surprising. Our mustang battery went "CA=PUT" this morning. FAIL. Oh and Sydney was already loaded up, strapped into the carseat, with all of our items already packed in the front seat. EPIC FAIL. Oh and this morning winter decided to join us and all of a sudden it was 30 degrees. BOO. But I am determined to not let the negative events that occur in life impact me more than they should. Obviously, there will be down days but they don't have to ruin the whole day. So moving on...

Physically, I felt pretty good today too. I don't think that I was perfect though. I had a very busy morning and that meant that I missed my AM snack. So after a shake for breakfast and a shake and kiwi for lunch. Then I had 2 hard-boiled eggs. OMG I forgot how much I love hard-boiled eggs.  Then I had an apple and a handful of nuts around 4 oclock. I did very well with the mixed nuts but let me tell you---I almost lost it here. I knew that I needed to be careful going into it. I did not let myself leave the cannister out where I could grab it again. I put them in a bowl (it was literally like 10 mixed nuts) and put the cannister away. After I was done...I wanted more. But that was the normal status quo of PRE-2012 Emily behavior. Why not? I was at work, processing, not needing to use my voice...they are healthy right? WRONG. Not in the amounts that I would probably eat. So they stayed away and I guzzled down some water. Emily 1 Snacking 0. muah ha ha ha ha

So tonight it will obviously come across that I am a huge Biggest Loser supporter. Tonight was the season premiere. My thoughts so far? I hate the first episode when they always send someone home like before they even get to workout. I am starting to enjoy Dolvette, and am happy that they left Anna K at home to play tennis. I feel a natural pull to cheer for the girl named Emily (I know its stupid). But one difference I am seeing today in my attitude? Instead of looking at these people in awe or laying here feeling sorry for myself...it is actually motivating me even more. Almost like there is this battle that we are all in together. Our whole house is checking in for battle as well. Dad wants to lose weight, Cory wants to lose weight, I am in it for the long run. I need to lose the most, but I feel good knowing that we are all working on the same thing. Over the course of time, we may work on it in different ways, but we are there. (Mom-don't think that I am not thinking about you too! ;) holleerrrrrrr)

So all in all, today was a good day. I have decided that this week I am going to concentrate on getting used to the routine of the food (shakes, food, etc) and then come up with a schedule and a plan for the physical activity. And then starting Sunday I will put the schedule into place. If I throw something in before that...great. But if not? I am not going to make myself feel bad about it. After all...

Here We Go...

Are you all ready for some honesty? Just even thinking about writing this blog and putting all of this out there does give me a certain amount of anxiety on its own. This blog is about my first New Year's resolution. Live a more healthy life. I think that it is more important to label this as "live a more healthy life" because it is a lifelong challenge and a lifestyle change. That is what needs to happen for me. I guess I should clarify that the main goal of this resolution is to bring myself to a more healthy weight. In order to start my story, I should probably start at the beginning...

When I was in high school, I thought I was fat. It is so ridiculous sounding when I say it now. I don't even really know how much I weighed...maybe around 150 or something. But I did think that I was fat. I was a cheerleader and I took that very seriously. And at my height and build, I was naturally one of the biggest people that I knew. And I think that because of that I was always self conscious about my size.

When I was in college, I (obviously) thought that I was fat. And college was when my weight started to creep up a little bit. But I still don't think that I was very big. But I was not active and this was the time when I needed to make physical activity a priority and maybe it would have become habit. Maybe it was pride. It wasn't like people didn't try to help me become more active. Obviously, there were some signs of my future struggles that people were trying to help me avoid. But I am a Taurus---stubborn to the end by nature. And more independent than I should be. I grew up with a single mom and I think that I became overly independent because of everything that I saw my mom go through. Because of this, I always push away when people are trying to help me. I guess its the thought that "I don't need help". Obviously I do need help, but at this point I need to prove that I can help myself.

So my weight really started to pick up when I turned 21. I was not truly thinking about my habits and their effects on me. I was not active. I was not eating right...it fact my eating habits were HORRIBLE. Cory was working late nights in the car business and I always wanted to eat with him. So we ate late...and its not like I was making home cooked meals for us. Not until a couple of years later, but still, eating at 9 oclock. It wasn't until I was getting ready for our wedding that it hit me how bad off I really was. I certainly had some extremely embarrassing moments that I ignored along the way...but ignoring these things was a way of avoiding the problem. Laughing it off actually to not let it seem awkward.

So let's get down to numbers and this is where I have to get honest (and embarrassing). When I got married I think that I weighed 229 (first bandaid ripped off). At my first prenatal appointment (at 8 weeks) I was 239. When I delivered Sydney I weighed 274. The average weight gain that a doctor likes people to  have is 35 lbs. So I stuck to this exactly which was amazing...but in all reality I should have gained less since I was overweight to begin with. When I went back to work after 12 weeks off, I weighed 236. But man oh man...my workplace is the WORST when it comes to healthy eating, ha ha. There are ALWAYS snacks...either for some type of birthday or special event or any day of the week. So by the end of the year I weighed 259. Time. for. Action. Last New Year I started Weight Watchers and it worked well for me for about 6 months or so. I did really well on the eating part of Weight Watchers. But the struggle for me is the working out. So I lost 33 lbs and was keeping a steady weight of about 226. Then the end of the year came around and the eating side started to fall too. Even before the end of the year I already knew that I was starting a new program Jan 1.

So here we go ladies and gents. For two days now I have been on my new diet regime. This time around I am trying a meal replacement shake approach. At least for now. I know that this may not be a long term approach or even a smart way to go long term but for now its a start. Here is my theory--right now my eating is out.of.control. So I need something fairly strict to reel myself back in and help me to find something more long term that works for me. Or even to just take my appetite from a million to like 20. You know what I mean? (rhetorically speaking) I very much intend on integrating working out this time and I have some big goals for myself in that department. I really really really want a change. I need myself to change. But thats the key...I need MYSELF to change. It can only come from me. So over the next however long (or forever) I will be using my blog to update on how I am feeling, my struggles, my successes and general updates. These updates will include pictures and I will warn you...they will not be cute for a while. But this blog is about honesty. Maybe I will inspire someone. Maybe I will inspire myself by being so honest about it and really putting myself out there.

Week 1

Starting Date: January 1, 2012

Starting Weight: 238 lbs.