When I was in high school, I thought I was fat. It is so ridiculous sounding when I say it now. I don't even really know how much I weighed...maybe around 150 or something. But I did think that I was fat. I was a cheerleader and I took that very seriously. And at my height and build, I was naturally one of the biggest people that I knew. And I think that because of that I was always self conscious about my size.
When I was in college, I (obviously) thought that I was fat. And college was when my weight started to creep up a little bit. But I still don't think that I was very big. But I was not active and this was the time when I needed to make physical activity a priority and maybe it would have become habit. Maybe it was pride. It wasn't like people didn't try to help me become more active. Obviously, there were some signs of my future struggles that people were trying to help me avoid. But I am a Taurus---stubborn to the end by nature. And more independent than I should be. I grew up with a single mom and I think that I became overly independent because of everything that I saw my mom go through. Because of this, I always push away when people are trying to help me. I guess its the thought that "I don't need help". Obviously I do need help, but at this point I need to prove that I can help myself.
So my weight really started to pick up when I turned 21. I was not truly thinking about my habits and their effects on me. I was not active. I was not eating right...it fact my eating habits were HORRIBLE. Cory was working late nights in the car business and I always wanted to eat with him. So we ate late...and its not like I was making home cooked meals for us. Not until a couple of years later, but still, eating at 9 oclock. It wasn't until I was getting ready for our wedding that it hit me how bad off I really was. I certainly had some extremely embarrassing moments that I ignored along the way...but ignoring these things was a way of avoiding the problem. Laughing it off actually to not let it seem awkward.
So let's get down to numbers and this is where I have to get honest (and embarrassing). When I got married I think that I weighed 229 (first bandaid ripped off). At my first prenatal appointment (at 8 weeks) I was 239. When I delivered Sydney I weighed 274. The average weight gain that a doctor likes people to have is 35 lbs. So I stuck to this exactly which was amazing...but in all reality I should have gained less since I was overweight to begin with. When I went back to work after 12 weeks off, I weighed 236. But man oh man...my workplace is the WORST when it comes to healthy eating, ha ha. There are ALWAYS snacks...either for some type of birthday or special event or any day of the week. So by the end of the year I weighed 259. Time. for. Action. Last New Year I started Weight Watchers and it worked well for me for about 6 months or so. I did really well on the eating part of Weight Watchers. But the struggle for me is the working out. So I lost 33 lbs and was keeping a steady weight of about 226. Then the end of the year came around and the eating side started to fall too. Even before the end of the year I already knew that I was starting a new program Jan 1.
So here we go ladies and gents. For two days now I have been on my new diet regime. This time around I am trying a meal replacement shake approach. At least for now. I know that this may not be a long term approach or even a smart way to go long term but for now its a start. Here is my theory--right now my eating is out.of.control. So I need something fairly strict to reel myself back in and help me to find something more long term that works for me. Or even to just take my appetite from a million to like 20. You know what I mean? (rhetorically speaking) I very much intend on integrating working out this time and I have some big goals for myself in that department. I really really really want a change. I need myself to change. But thats the key...I need MYSELF to change. It can only come from me. So over the next however long (or forever) I will be using my blog to update on how I am feeling, my struggles, my successes and general updates. These updates will include pictures and I will warn you...they will not be cute for a while. But this blog is about honesty. Maybe I will inspire someone. Maybe I will inspire myself by being so honest about it and really putting myself out there.
Week 1
Starting Date: January 1, 2012
Starting Weight: 238 lbs.
Good for you, Em! A motto I've adopted along the way, "nothing worth doing is ever easy." Once you get through the first couple of weeks of healthy eating, you will feel better about yourself, which will make all of your other goals come easier! One day at a time. What about some hobbies from the past - rollerblading or cross-stitching?
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Thanks Nancy! Those are both some very good ideas that I hadn't thought about! Especially since all of those stitching stores are still open down the street! Thanks again! And that quote has been something that always is in my mind! :)
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty!!! You can do it.... Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteI totally have faith in you!! I know you can do it. Hubs & I just lost a combined 80 pounds by making small changes and sticking with it. We added exercise and healthy options and it's such a great feeling. I love eating & it took a lot for me to stop when I actually was full. One of the things that helped me was the small goals. I knew I had at least 30 pounds to lose {which seemed like a lot at once} so I broke it down to 5 pound increments. You can do it and I'm so excited to follow your successful journey! Good luck!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Danielle and Sam for your awesome support!!!
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