Yeah I know, it's been a while...

I have probably written this catch up post about 20 times over the last few months. I keep going through these ideas of my honest feelings and high level catching up and not knowing how much I really want to share or keep to myself. I guess I want to find the balance. le sigh...Tis my life.

Where is the balance? Answer: there is no balance. yeah that seems to be my biggest complaint about everything right now. There is work and there is everything else. Work is my biggest time constraint and I feel like everything else in my life is running on the hamster wheel at full speed. I trip almost daily in my attempts to keep up with everything else as I am jumping on and off of this hamster wheel. Man, that really put it in words. EVERYTHING feels chaotic. Have I ever mentioned that I have a slight anxiety problem? Ok. I am lying. I have an EXTREME anxiety problem.

We are moving out!!!! Actually, we sign our lease on our new place tomorrow at 11. Pick up the keys on Monday to start moving in. We are very very excited about it. Is it ideal? Absolutely not. But I am no less excited about it. We tried buying, it didn't work. No one wants to take a risk on a less than stellar buyer in this market with the uncertainty and the past and all of that. So we will work on the tips they gave us and move on from here. I have to admit that it has been a little hard on us to not being able to buy. More of an emotional defeat. Well, I would say it's an emotional defeat that we are used to, but I think we both figured that we have had our fair share of emotional defeats. It's our turn for some good, right?! I try not to think about it that way. I know we have things to work on. I know we will get there. With that being said, it's been a long three years living back at my Dad's house. Everyone is ready for us to move on. Understandable. But I have to say that I have really enjoyed living with Dad. The last time we lived together for this long, I was 5. It has been a really great experience learning how to communicate effectively with my Dad. I have learned a lot about the two of us. I understand now why we butt heads so much. We are so much alike. So I have truly appreciated this time.

Ok so this is why I never update my blog because I am already kinda over this typing. I spend my day typing, I get really over it when I get home!!! Ok power through...

Can I be honest? I feel very out of touch with people outside of my immediate family. I miss my friends! It's just so weird because everyone's lives are adjusting and shifting and growing. People are just busy, us included. But it doesn't bode well for my anxiety. And then there is the fact that I feel like I need a sounding board sometimes. It gets pretty lonely bouncing all of these crazy feelings around in my head. My husband doesn't need to always be "that" ear for me to listen to. He doesn't get all of my feelings. Some things are best understood by other women. Your girlfriends just help you recharge sometimes and I really miss that.

Oh and the weight loss. Oh the weight loss. It's a struggle. Always a struggle ya know? And I have some serious bitter feelings going on because it is such a struggle. I can't get into the mindset that this is just my journey. It should not matter to me the people around me who have snapped their fingers, found the magic cure and are on their way to conquering their weight loss giants. I am so jealous of these people. Yes, that's a hard feeling to admit to, but I am INSANELY jealous of these people. My giant is still very much right in front of my face and he is winning the battle with me right now. It's hard. All the time. And that upsets me. I feel like some sort of a counselor that specializes in weight loss would help. Because I do feel like, for the first time ever, that some of my battles are mental. Maybe that's a first step for me. I used to think that I had the mental part figured out. I used to think "oh yeah, I know what to eat, that's the easy part." But really all of it is a struggle. I also don't like getting help with any of this. Because I feel like it's easier to take things on alone. And then I feel like if people help me and see me struggle then "Oh here is Emily, struggling so much, failing again". Obviously they might not say exactly this or even think anything like this, that's just how I feel it. Remember....craaaaaaazy amounts of anxiety running through this body.

Sydney is great. I really can't say anything else but that. She is the light of my life. I love every single moment that I have with her. I only wish that I had more time with her. She is amazing. Cory is also doing great. He works at the shipyard in Newport News as a full time employee. He has been doing some great things there and his work ethic impresses me every day. I am very happy to call him my hubby. With everything that goes on, the one constant that I am sure of is that our family unit is strong. We have struggles and challenges, but no couple is struggle and challenge free. So everything there is all good.

We also had a fantastic Thanksgiving (minus the Packers loss) and are looking very much forward to getting into our new place so that we can get decorated quickly for Christmas. That's the only weird thing about us moving right now. I can't put up my Christmas tree today like I wanted to!

Taking Control of my Life

And this is it ladies and gents. I am off on a whirlwind adventure and I am not quite sure what lies ahead of me.

There are a couple of things that I am for sure about...

• I am excited
• I am scared out of my mind
• Fear and Anxiety are my enemies and NOT my friends

So let's just back up for a minute I suppose? Yesterday, I officially signed up and became an Independent Consultant for Arbonne. What is Arbonne? I would love to share that with you. To put it simply, Arbonne has quite a range of products that are 100% botanically based, pure, safe and beneficial. Arbonne is now giving me the opportunity to build my own business and share their products with the world. And they are truly great products. For example, their skincare line is superb. One use and you can actually tell a difference in your skin. Imagine what it could be like with continued use? Wow...

Another thing that they have is a nutrition line now. Now this is what truly got me on board and excited. I don't think that it's new information that I have a bit of a weight problem that I have been trying to conquer for ....a long time now. So I have hit a plateau which seems to be the same plateau that I hit every single year at just about this same time. I am determined to overcome it this time. Arbonne is going to help me. I am getting ready to start their 30 day detox boot camp, I am so excited. 

Hopefully I will be able to share in this process as we continue along... In the meantime, book AND hold a party with me by the end of June (even if its June 30th) and I will throw in a special incentive in addition to the hostess rewards that you would already receive.  

Remember Me?

.... Yeah I barely remember me either.

But on serious notes, I really do want to get back to updating this blog. It used to be so therapeutic for me and God only knows that there is enough going on in my life to earn me some therapy moments, amiright?

So what's been going on, you might ask? Readers digest updates right here....

1. Hubs lost his job in October for some ridiculousness at the shipyard (phooey). Spent 4 months looking (nonstop, 8 yrs a day every.single.day) for another job, found one, only to be let go 2 weeks later (thanks sequestration!). So yeah... fun times.

2. Hubs is, however, only about 13 weeks away from finishing his bachelor's degree! Yay! Super excited on that front.

3. As of today, I have lost 13 pounds this year, which brings my total since I started Weight Watchers (the first time) in January 2011 to 41 pounds lost. I now weigh less than I did when I got married! It may not look the same, thanks to the Syd-monster, but we are getting there. Props where they are due right?!

4. Speaking of the Syd monster... This girl is growing.up. Such a joy and an enormous challenge wrapped into one. 2 years and 9 months to be exact. The daycare that she had been at for about a year and a half closed (traumatizing for Mom), but we luckily have seen the silver lining in her new school, Barefoot Kids. It is a Christian based day school and WE.LOVE.IT. A million times better than the old place and I am so upset that I didn't find this place first.

Here was Syd today...

As I added that picture I found this picture which was apparently March of last year...

Mind.Blown.

I won't let as much time pass before my next update! Happy First Days of Spring (bring it on Mr. Sun)!!

Emily

Water Play!

So since this magical summer is winding down to an end, we used Saturday to our advantage and squeezed in as much summer fun as we could. In the evening we went to see the Obrynbas and take a dip in their pool, it was very fun. Except for that part of it when Sydney told me to shut up (Oh.the.testing.boundaries) and had to sit in time out while we all swimmed and splashed around. We also had a seriously awesome dinner with all of the summer fixin's... Hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, baked beans, corn on the cob, watermelon, etc. yummmmyyyyyy. We always have a great time with those guys so it did not disappoint. Plus they are SUPER good and fun with Sydney so it really warms my heart to be able to go and hang out with them, with or without the Syd monster.

Saturday morning we went to Ocean Breeze since this weekend will be our last chance to go for the summer. It was the busiest it has ever been (Labor Day weekend, Rock n Roll Half Marathon---pick your tourist poison) but it was still a lot of fun. I met a friend of mine up there from work since we have worked together for year, knowing we have children that are the same age and still have yet to get them together. They loved each other and we had a great time.

It took all of 2 hours for them to be this chummy....

And Sydney wore herself out so much that this took all of 2 minutes to happen. Pure Bliss....

Sydney Says...

Since I pretty much suck at updates on here I have come up with an idea to HOPEFULLY help me get more regular about this here blog. My idea involves sharing the little tidbits that Sydney does because, legit, everyday there is another moment that she says something that either melts my heart or makes me wonder "where did this girl get that from?"

So Thursday morning while getting ready for school Sydney had told me she wanted to wear her Dora outfit, NBD. She even corrected me when I brought in her pink fluffy flowery Dora, miss personality, and asked me to get her blue Dora shirt and her matching shorts. Well, excuse me missy. Anyways, after I got ready for work and we were getting ready to leave, Sydney goes "Mama? I wanna wear my pretty dress?" Cue melting heart. While she is saying this she is twirling and looking down like she does when she puts on her dress. It was sooooo stinking cute. How could I say no? So I say which one baby the pink one or the green one? and she at first chose the green one but then when I went to get it, she was like nooooo the pink one please!

Love this girl.

It kinda makes up for the fact that she learned how to say "Shut up!" and now will randomly say "Shut up Mommy!"....Instant Timeout for that one.

Until next time!

Polarizing...

Ok so this post is my expression of some serious venting and working through some personal feelings that I have. If you dont think that you can handle that, you probably shouldnt read this post. Come back when there is something a little bit more cookie cutter going on in the world. But for today, I am having some serious thought provoking moments...

Today I am really sad. Unless you have been living under a very huge rock, you are aware that today was designated by many as Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day. Based on their president's comments, supporters of his message have flocked in DROVES to their local eateries, some even many times a day. The Chick-fil-A closest to our house had a drive thru line that wrapped all the way around the restaurant and spilled out onto the main road at 430PM 700PM and 930PM---I assume it never left. First, I think that I should mention that I love that Chick-fil-A stands on moral grounds and sticks beside those morals no matter how it goes against the typical stance of businesses. Our country is becoming overwhelmingly morally defunct and seeing that thousands and thousands of people are supporting their moral stance is somewhat refreshing to me. I applaud them for standing by and expressing their freedom of speech. I have spent a lot of time today reading different people's thoughts on both sides of the issue and many of the supporters state that they are not promoting hate, but are simply standing by their moral grounds and thats what Mr. Cathy was doing in his statements. This is the first thing that bothers me because I kinda disagree with how his tone came off. I believe his exact words were something about "shaking our hands at God and asking for his judgement upon us"...ok maybe that is your true opinion. I think the hate came in when he said (and I paraphrase) "what a prideful and arrogant generation, that has the audacity to believe that we define what marriage is." Now I am admittedly not knowledgable about the exacts of the Bible. I do consider myself to be a Christian, I really do believe in God and His force on our lives. But arent ALL christians imperfect? Aren't all of our thoughts flawed? If a group of people that believes homosexuality is ok cannot define what marriage is, how can Christians say that they know WITH 100% CERTAINTY that they can define it too? I know that the things that I am saying may not make me a good christian, but really this journey of my thoughts is all mine. I can't judge a person for being gay. In my opinion, if God considers homosexuality a sin, then homosexuals are still morally on the same level as I am because one part of the Bible that I do remember says that ALL SINS are the same. Regardless of what our imperfect human minds think, we are ALL the same.

This thought process has really been evolving lately for me and I am really not sure why or how it has changed. I just really don't think that I am the person who should be judging the ability of a gay person to get married. Who am I? I am no one. If a person is gay and wants to get married, I care just as much about that as I care about the next stranger that walks past me. It is really none of my business and its not for me to decide. As Christians, I thought that we were simply supposed to pray for man and accept all and love and cherish our fellow man. I know that everyone says that they are accepting and not judging and just "expressing their freedom of speech". But it just doesn't feel like a loving message. That is why I am sad today. Actually my stance on Mr. Cathy's statement really turned into the fact that is statement doesn't mean diddly squat for the actual people who own the restaurants and work in the restaurants. We have NO IDEA what these people think. This is the thought that made me sure that I would not pay any mind to these makeshift "support" days that are drawing people out in masses. It just creates such an atmosphere of isolation for the gay men and women who are watching this mass movement against something so close to their heart. I know that they say that this isn't about 'being gay', but just about being able to get married. Honestly, actions speak louder than words and it just feels like its being done with a harsh spirit.

By the way, I also think that any city or state or whatever that says they would try to stop the building of any new Chick-fil-A restaurants because of these statements also seems ludacris to me. That just seems like overreaching. And I do believe that the company should use their money to donate to some more productive charities. There are plenty of food banks, mentoring charities, children's hospitals, etc that could find great use for their generous donations.

I just came across this article online in reference to gay employees that work at Chick-fil-A I think it tells another perspective very well and kinda what I was referring to earlier.

There is another side of me that despises that this whole debate has become so politically driven. Why can't we get a little bit more passionate about other relevant issues that shoud be at the forefront of everyone's mind during the election year? I disagree with the whole premise that this debate is turning into a political one.

I just keep thinking about the what ifs... What if Sydney were to ever come to me and tell me that she is gay? I never want her to question for a second that she can come to her own mother for acceptance, hands down, no questions asked. So that is kinda where I stand on this. I really find it to be nonsense. From all sides, honestly. I welcome any company that is standing their ground on their beliefs. We need more morally sound companies in the world. I do think that the words of Mr. Cathy came out a little harsher than he probably intended and the media does take about .00000000001 seconds to make a firestorm out of a little gas bubble. So in summary, I just wish we can go back to eating chicken, just to eat the damn chicken. I don't want to go on Appreciation Day because that person working the drive thru could have completely separate moral principles than anyone that he works for, either directly or indirectly. I also don't believe that I will be going on Friday either.

But I hope that if you did stick through and read my thoughts, you can appreciate that I am just being honest and respectful in everything that I say. I just want people to be happy, overall.

And so it has begun...

So an interesting thing happened to the Mitchell parents last night. Let me narrate...

After 2 glasses of milk, the milk obsessed smallest Mitchell looked at her Mama and said,

"Sydney have more milk???"

To which Mama Mitchell replied,

"Not until after we eat our dinner"

Then, as Mama sat cruising the internet and Dada was talking in the other room to a friend on the phone, little Sydney uttered these fateful words,

"I go ask Dada for milk."

And that, my friends, is how it all begins. I sat and watched, in utter disbelief, that my recently-turned-2 year old was literally playing us in front of my eyes. The thought process that I saw playing out right before my eyes shocked me. This, my little 2 year old, just realized that if you ask one and they say no, try, try again. Because not being in the conversation with me, Dada definitely filled that cup with milk and sent our little angel on her way. :)

Have a great weekend!!